Commercial Value
by Gigasbolt
Summary: Well, maybe this will tide my fans over. Hope you've seen the Sprite Mountain Bike commercial. heehee.. Enjoy.
1. Default Chapter Title

Well, not exactly a sequel, but I hope it's funny enough for y'all. It will have to tide you over until my next "Adventures of Duo" as I know call them. Who knows, maybe I'll put them all together and make a big fic.. Heheh.. Also, I'm getting sick of trashing on Deathscythe. That's my favorite Gundam with my favorite pilot. So, I thought I'd take a quick shot at Wing and Heero.. *smirks evilly* Enjoy.. -------------------------------------------------------- 

Commercial Value 

By: Gigasbolt 

"Oh, what a day.." Heero was dead tired. He'd destroyed an Oz base, stopped someone from finding out about him and Wing and saved Relena just one more time.. All before lunch. Then, after lunch, he'd started a duel with Zechs, broken the duel off and stopped a new Oz factory from starting. He was thirsty, damn it. And he deserved something to drink. So, he'd stopped at the drink machine before getting to his room. He'd put in the required $2 (Wow, inflation is lethal!!) and selected a Coke. "WHAT? Sold out!! DAMN!!" (Uncut Version. What else?) Heero then pressed the Minute Maid Orange button. "DAMN IT!! SOLD OUT!!" Heero flew into a rage and jammed the Sprite button. Slowly, the machine whirred as multiple veins began to bulge on his forehead. Finally, after at least two minutes, a single can of Sprite dropped to the bottom. Heero's anger subsided at the site of that can. He picked it up, letting all his anger flow into that wonderful cool can. He popped it open, letting a few ounces of the lemon-lime contents slip into his mouth. "Aaaah.. That was worth $2. At least I've got 28 more ounces left." (30 ounces for $2.. I'm glad I don't live in Heero's world.) He walked to his room, enjoying his drink. He was going to just go to sleep, but he saw Zechs on the news. He wasn't going to let his archnemesis get away with anything, so he jumped up, Sprite in hand, and raced for Wing. 

"Heh.. That interview is sure to bring the Gundam 01 pilot out of hiding to face me." Zechs and Tallgeese turned and found that they were right. Zechs radioed in for an Aries as back up right before Heero was on top of him. 

"I'll get him.. this guy's toast." Heero said, as he sipped his Sprite. He placed it in the cup holder (Of course Gundams have cup holders!) and raised Wing's hand. The beam rifle came up with it and Heero fired. Zechs twisted to the right, though. So, Heero missed. 

"Hmm.. He's going for broke. Something's different. Oh well." Zechs raised the Dober Gun, preparing to fire on Heero. He then did so, because Heero didn't move. If only Zechs had known Heero was still stuck on that Sprite. But then, for $2, I would be too! The shot hit Heero, knocking him backwards. 

"All right, that's enough pussy-footing around. Let's go!!" Heero set the Sprite back in the cup holder and launched himself at Tallgeese. They fought to a standstill, but they wouldn't stop. Eventually, the fight continued into the mountains. They reached a mountain top battle ground and were deadlocked, each one holding the other's arm. They were to busy grappling to notice that Zechs' Aries back up had arrived. It launched its missiles just as Zechs released the Wing. The missiles, hit, shocking Heero. He swung his hands inside the Gundam, accidentally knocking the Sprite onto the controls. It shorted out, making it impossible to control the Wing. So, unfortunately, Heero fell off the mountain. He rolled, making a giant mess of his Gundam. He continued going down as Tallgeese and the Aries looked over the side. 

"Maybe those big sharp pointy rocks will stop him." Zechs remarked. 

*CRAAAASSSSHH. BOOOOOMM!* 

"Nope." The Aries pilot replied. 

"DAMN YOU SPRITE!!!" Heero yelled as he continued his plummet. A stream was up next. 

"Maybe falling into that icy stream that will completely short his system out will stop him." 

*BBBBBBZZZZZZZTTTTTT* 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" 

"Yep, that stopped him." The Aries pilot added. 

Moral of the story: Sprite doesn't make you a better Gundam Pilot. It just quenches thirst. And shorts out Gundam suit controls. 

The End 


	2. Default Chapter Title

Commercial Value 2  
  
By: Gigasbolt  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Heero, are we there yet??" Duo asked, now obviously trying to annoy Heero.  
  
"No, Duo."  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"Duo..." Heero growled. His patience was wearing thin. They'd been in the van for 3 hours now, and Duo had to ask if they were there yet every 5 minutes. He couldn't stand it.  
  
"Heero, let me handle this." Wufei pleaded. He had masking tape in his back-pocket that he had brought for just such an occasion.  
  
"Duo, please. You can tell yourself when we get there." Quatre, of course. He was the sensible one, after all. Trowa sat in the back, saying nothing. When does he ever say anything?? Anyhoo, they went through a few more rounds of 'Are we there yet?' and then silence. We see that Duo has a large, silver piece of tape over his mouth. Then, mumbling is heard.  
  
"All right, fine. We'll at least turn the radio on." Heero clicked it on and the mumbling stopped.  
  
"Heh.. wussie." Wufei laughed. "It was way to easy to put that tape on, Duo. I thought you had a little backbone calling yourself the God of Death." Wufei laughed again, sticking more tape onto Duo's hands. The others hadn't noticed, but Wufei had bound Duo's hands and his feet. Quatre had wondered why Duo hadn't pulled the tape off, but figured the pain kept him in check. Just to add to the horror, Wufei reached for another piece of tape. He held it up, moving it slowly towards Duo's hair. Duo's eyes widened.  
  
"MMMHPHPH!!! MMMMM!!!!NNNNMMMM!!!" Duo screamed. Well, tried to scream through the tape. Instantly, everyone in the van was turned towards Wufei and Duo.  
  
"What?? The little wimp deserves it.." Wufei sat back angrily as Quatre and Trowa realesed Duo's hands and feet. Duo immediately ripped the tape off his mouth.  
  
"OW!! That's it, you're dead Wufei!!" Duo leaped at his opponent, but Wufei was one step ahead of him. He leaned back and opened the side door all in one motion. Duo flew out of the van and rolled down the side of the highway.  
  
"Wufei.." Heero began. His tone proved the fact that he was exasperated. "Normally, I wouldn't give a damn that you tricked Duo out of the van.. again... But, now we have to go back and get him, and that may make us late to the ball game."  
  
That's right, the Gundam Gang needed a Boy's Night Out. All five of the guys piled into the van and headed for the Baseball stadium. The Cubs were playing the Cardinals, it was gonna be good. But, enough back story, back to what you were reading..  
  
"Hmmph.. I could care less if we were late to the game. I don't like baseball anyway. It isn't just. All that base-stealing.. Injustice!!" Wufei leaned backwards into his seat again as they pulled back and picked Duo back up.  
  
"I can't believe I fell for that again.." Duo climbed in, much chagrined. He settled in and didn't make a peep for the rest of the ride.  
  
"We're here." Heero stated.   
  
"WWOOO-HOOO!!" Three guesses, and two of them don't count as to who this is...  
  
Everyone in the car stared at the back, as Trowa slowly closed his mouth. "Sorry.. I just like baseball..."   
  
Fooled ya, didn't I??   
  
So anyway, the guys got out and got their gear together. Trowa truly was a baseball fanatic, decked out in a Cubs Jersey, Hat, and with a Sammy Sosa signed Mitt. Duo had a penant, but Heero took it after he swatted Quatre one to many times. Quatre had a cooler, for keeping their drinks cold. Wufei had nothing, he didn't like baseball after all. Heero now had a penant in addition to his hat and sunglasses. This is important, remember who had what, readers. There will be a quiz.. Just kidding.  
  
The guys made their way into the stadium, finding their seats. They weren't very good, but they could watch the game at least. Duo immediately tried to start a wave... which didn't work at all. Trowa headed off to try and find Sammy. He wanted a few more autographs. Quatre and Heero settled into their seats to watch and Wufei walked off to find the bathrooms. Duo bought some popcorn and got into the seat above Wufei's. He grinned evilly. He was gonna make Wufei pay for throwing him out of the van.  
  
"Hey, who's that down there at the dugout.. He's making a bunch of ruckus." Heero pulled out the binoculars and focused in on the lone figure struggling against the guards. "I.. I can't believe it. It's Trowa!!"   
  
"What?? Trowa causing trouble? That's a first, it's usually me." Duo was watching as well as he could. So far there was about 5 guards surrounding Trowa as he was backed into a corner. "Hmm.. if all the guards are there.. Eureka!" Duo cried, running off.  
  
"Now where is he off to...?" Quatre wondered. "Oh well, he'll be back." Quatre reached into the cooler, pulling out a soda. "Hey Heero, you want something to drink, we've got some Sprite?"  
  
"AAHH!! NO!!" Heero cried. He suddenly got some kind of Deja Vu feeling about Sprite and his Gundam. He had quite a fear of Sprite.  
  
"Gee, okay.. man." Quatre popped open the Sprite, taking a big swig. "Aah.. That's good."  
  
"Heh heh heh.. All right." Duo had succeeded in sneaking down to the lower levels. He'd spotted some emtpy seats and settled into one. He had an awesome view.  
  
"Hey, you. Yes, I'm talking to you."  
  
"Huh?" Wufei turned to face the vendor who had just yelled at him.  
  
"You look like you're not in too good a mood. How about a drink?" The vendor held out a large beer. "C'mon, the first ones free."  
  
"Free beer?? Sure." Wufei grabbed it and swigged it down. "Hmm.. that's good. Gimme another." The vendor took Wufei's money and filled it again. Wufei drank it all again, and got another refill. This continued for a few minutes, because, as Wufei saw it, he didn't like baseball, he might as well have some fun. And getting drunk was fun. Wufei left with one more large beer in hand and staggered to the steps. He looked around, not seeing anything he recognized for a while. Then, he saw a braid that he recognized. He stumbled down the steps, and plopped into the seat next to Duo. "Hey, Duo.. Wassup??"  
  
"Wufei, man... You're drunk!! Sweet!" Duo knew that a drunk Wufei was a gullible Wufei.  
  
"Hey you bum!! Pitch the *hic* ball!!" Wufei screamed. He tried to throw some of Duo's popcorn at the pitcher but only succeeded in getting popcorn all over Duo and the people sitting in front of them.  
  
"Hey you punk! Watch it." The fan sitting in front of them said.  
  
"Yeah.. *hic* Whatever you say, fat-a.." Duo covered Wufei's mouth before he could finish the statement.   
  
"Wufei, man, be quiet. We'll get in trouble."  
  
"Take your hands off me!! I've gotta see Sammy!!" Trowa cried as he was dragged off to the upper sections. He was plopped down in the seat next to Heero, fuming. "They can't get away with that... I wanna see SAMMY!!"   
  
"Trowa, calm down and have a drink." Quatre handed him a Coke. Heero took a sip of his own Coke. They watched the game, cheering and having an all-around good time, except for the fact that two drunk guys sat in the section right below their's and screamed at the ballplayers the entire game.  
  
"HAA!! YOU GUYS SUCK!" Duo screamed. Wufei had ended up giving Duo enough beer to get him a little drunk too. And you know Duo, he almost doesn't even need beer to get drunk.  
  
"YES, MY GRANDMOTHER COULD PLAY *HIC* BASE..BALL BETTER THAN YOU!! AND SHE IS NOT EVEN ALIVE ANYMORE!!" Wufei screamed, taking another sip of beer. As he got more drunk, his insults began to make less sense. It didn't really matter, the game was almost over. It was the ninth inning and the Cardinals were winning. Sammy Sosa had a bad night, whiffing two times and hitting a single when at bat. He was coming up and the only chance was for him to hit a homerun. That would tie the game. Here came the first pitch.  
  
"SAMMY SOSA SUCKS-A!! HAHAHAHA!!" Duo yelled.  
  
Sammy swung through the ball, completely off. "Grr..." The pitcher threw the second ball.  
  
"YOU AREN'T EEN GOOD ENOUV TO TYEE MY SHOES.." Wufei cried, his words becoming more slurred.  
  
Sammy missed one more time. He was on his last chance. "I swear, I'll kill 'em."  
  
"YOU CAN DO IT, SAMMY!! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!" Trowa screamed.   
  
Sammy whiffed just that one last time. That kid's scream had just barely thrown him off. He was pissed, to say the least. He threw the bat down, walking off to the raucous laughter of Duo and Wufei, though he didn't know who they were.  
  
"All right, you guys. Time to go. Let's find Duo and Wufei." Heero stood, walking towards the aisle. The other two stood as well, Trowa sobbing at what happened to Sammy. They were still drinking their Coke when they met up with Duo and Wufei. They were laughing and holding onto each other to stay upright. It was obvious to the guys they were DRUNK.  
  
"Duo, how could you do that?? Get Wufei drunk. I thought some things were below even you." Quatre was reprimanding him.. Duo looked shocked.  
  
"Youse guys *hic* I din't do it.. Wufee did it.." Duo smiled, knowing the guys would believe him.  
  
"Yeah, right. We're so sure." Heero grabbed Wufei's head and lifted it up to face them. "Wufei, did you get drunk or did Duo get you drunk?"  
  
"Drunk?.. heh.. I's not drun.. I's fin.. *hic*" Wufei smiled that smile drunks get. Right into Heero's face.   
  
"Cough... Cough.. Man, you guys had some strong stuff." Heero said, waving a hand in front of his face. Quatre gave the two guys some Coke, to try and sober them up a little. This didn't work, because the caffeine went straight to their heads, making them even crazyier.   
  
"Oh.. Oh my God!! Sammy!!" Trowa ran over, hugging Sammy from behind. "You're my hero, Sammy!"  
  
"Yeah, sure kid. Would you like to take the Pepsi Challenge?" Sammy hated having to do this after every game, but it was in his contract.   
  
"Sure Sammy, anything for you." Trowa threw away the Coke can, konking Wufei in the head.  
  
"Who's da wise-guy... who hits Wufee in da head.." Duo tried to ask.  
  
"I's allright, Duo. *hic* C'mon, le's take duh challenge." Wufei and Duo stumbled over to the Pepsi Challenge, with Heero and Quatre following after them.  
  
"Hmm.." Trowa sipped the first one. Then, he sipped the second.   
  
"Which do you like better?" Sammy asked.  
  
"I like the first one." Trowa lifted the first one and found a Pepsi can. "Wow, Pepsi was actually better."  
  
"All right, who's next?"  
  
"Goldberg!" Duo cried. Heero gave him 'The Look.' "Sorry.."  
  
"I'll go." Heero stepped up and sipped the first one. Then, the second one. "The first." Heero picked up and revealed a Coke can. "Heh, I knew it. I like Coke better than Pepsi." Heero drank the Coke and stepped away while Sammy fumed.  
  
"That's not how it goes, you're supposed to pick PEPSI! Grr.. Who's next.."  
  
"Quater?" Duo asked.   
  
"No, I don't want to."  
  
"Wufee?" Duo asked.  
  
"Yesh.. I's do it.." Wufei stepped forward and grabbed the first one. He drank it. Then he grabbed the second one and drank it. He then stood there.  
  
"Well, which do you like better?" Sammy asked.  
  
"Beer." Wufei said. Duo laughed.  
  
"GAAH!! You idiot, you're supposed to pick one of these."  
  
"MY TURN!!" Duo cried. He ran up and drank each cup. "I can't decide, can I have more?" The person refilled his cups with each hidden drink. He drank it as well. "I still can't decide, can I have some more?" Duo asked. He was beginning to sober up a little, and thought of this as a good prank. They went back and forth until Sammy finally stepped in.  
  
"You've drained two cans of each already, which do you like better??" Sammy had a large vein busting out of his forehead. Everyone else was gone and he was ready to go home.  
  
"Neither, I was just thirsty."   
  
"YOU DAMN KIDS!! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!" Sammy screamed, swinging a baseball bat at the guys as they ran back to their van. They all piled in and pulled off, Duo and Wufei singing some stupid drunkard song. Of their original gear, Duo had nothing, Heero had his sunglasses, Trowa had thrown all his stuff at Sammy in disgust. He know hated baseball. Quatre had the cooler, and Wufei had a hat, big foam finger, penant, baseball bat, popcorn, and his beer cup.  
  
"Wufee, where'd ya get all de stuff??" Duo asked.  
  
"All da people rounds us woul get up and go way for a little bit, and I's gabbed all there stuff." Wufei smiled.  
  
"Wufei, they were going to the bathroom and you stole their stuff?" Heero asked.  
  
"Yesh." Wufei replied. Those were the last words spoken as Duo and Wufei proceeded to pass out and the rest of the gang stayed quiet so as not to wake them up.  
  
The End.  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
  
Commercial Value 3  
  
By: Gigasbolt  
  
As the scene begins, we see Heero Yuy on the defense stand. He sits, waiting for the charge to be stated.  
  
"Heero Yuy, you have been accused of attempted murder on the life of one 'Relena Peacecraft.' How do you plead?" The Elderly Judge Woman asked him.  
  
"Your honor, my client pleads insanity!" Duo cried. He was dressed as a lawyer.  
  
"Shut up, Duo! You're not my lawyer!" Heero yelled. "I plead not guilty, your honor. I threatened her with murder, but never really tried."  
  
"Now, Mr. Yuy, that's for the court to decide." The Judge looked to the jury, suddenly seeing Duo inside the stands with the rest. "Sir, what do you think you're doing?"   
  
"I'm on the jury!" Duo cried. He'd obviously had a little too much sugar before the trial. He was high as a kite.  
  
"Sir, please. No you are not. Bailiff, restrain that man!" The Judge waved the Bailiff, who happened to be Trowa, towards Duo. Trowa promptly clubbed him in the head and dragged him from the courtroom. Duo mumbled "Look at the pretty birdies.." all the while.  
  
"Your honor, I'm Dorothy Catalonia for the State." Dorothy introduced herself.  
  
"And I'm Quatre Raberba Winner, for the Defense." Quatre said, brushing off the seat where Duo had sat.  
  
"All right, begin the questioning." The Judge watched the two as they questioned back and forth. "PLEASE, COUNSELORS, I MEANT QUESTION THE WITNESS!" The Judge informed them in a not so polite way. They turned and bowed their apology. Quatre went first, and he did an excellent job. He made his argument and the jury made a few notes. Then, Dorothy went. Only, she couldn't seem to get anywhere. She continually messed with her hair.   
  
"Counselor, please. I urge you.." The Judge began.  
  
"Urge.. Urge.." Dorothy suddenly breaks into song. "I've got the urge!"  
  
Big, burly men bust through the court room door. They are topless and completely H-O-T-T HOT! (Yech, Apparently, I'm writing this for my female fans.. I'm not gay!) "She's got the urge, for Herbal."   
  
Duo in the background in a higher voice. "HERBAL!"  
  
"She's gonna Herbal in the shower.." The Burly guys sing as they shampoo her hair.  
  
"FOR ANOTHER HALF AN HOUR!!" Duo practically screams in his high, just got hit in the balls, sounding voice.  
  
"Order, order!" The Judge screamed, slamming her gavel down on the desk. Suddenly, water cascaded from Dorothy's hair, splashing the Judge in the face.  
  
"She's got the urge.." The Burly guys sing.  
  
"NATURAL BOTANICAL!!" Duo, of course.  
  
"She's got the urge, to Herbal." The Burly guys sing and then rush out, leaving all the people staring after them.  
  
"How'd you know the words, Duo?" Trowa asked.  
  
"I watched.. uh.." Duo passed out on Trowa's lap.  
  
"I hope those guys show up for the body wash." Relena said as she turned towards the camera, with a mischievous look on her face...  
  
The End.  
  
(Author's Note. Heero was found innocent of all charges, because by the time the court was done, half the people on the jury and the judge had threatened to kill Relena themselves. Duo was found guilty of over-indulgence on the courtroom's coffee sugar supply, and was sentenced to a week without PlayStation. He then went mad and had to be handcuffed by Trowa. Quatre won his first case in the history of law, and Dorothy finally washed her hair. Relena used the Herbal Body Wash, but the only person who showed up was Heero with a gun. He didn't shoot her, though. He passed out when she jumped out of the tub to hug him. She then noticed her state of .... *Coughs* un-clothedness and hurried to her room. Zechs proceeded to find Heero in his sister's bathroom and beat the living snot out of him. All ended well, however, because WuFei was completely left out of the story!! YAY! *Suddenly, a door opens and WuFei's shadow is seen* AAAHH!! WuFei, get away from me with that chainsaw!! NOOO!!! *Chainsaw is heard whirring in background* WuFei Leave me out of your story, will you!! YAH!! Giga AAAAHH!! I'll be back....) 


End file.
